Loukian

"Well excuse me. You could have fallen into something at some point." He muttered. Judas had seen his share of people with internal injuries. He'd simply been worried about the possibility. He looked back to him and sighed. "I'm sorry for being concerned." He muttered and moved away, even at the sorry. "You really should take concern when it's given. Cause someone might choose not to stick around." He commented with attitude to match the young man's. Judas had no reason to stick around except concern for Bash. He wasn't going to stick around for a nasty attitude. He stared and rolled his eyes a bit, moving to sit down quietly. "Well, that sounds weird." He commented and rolled his eyes at Bash. "It could have been an internal injury." Judas muttered and looked up to him. He didn't care if Bash was weak or struggling, he wasn't there to judge that far. He really wasn't one to judge. When Sebastien had seen him drunk and falling over and puking he really couldn't judge anything that happened to Sebastien when he was sick. "But fine. No doctors." He mumbled and looked down.

"Records. Anything about your mom, the fire, anything that happened that day. It would be somewhere to start." He said, watching closely at that. He wouldn't argue that though. He knew what the fire records said. He'd read them. He'd seen what they were. Not helpful for the mystery at the surface level. But he hadn't dug deep into them really. "You have unofficial records?" He asked, but got up and moved closer. "Hey. Don't fall over." He held an arm out to catch him. He looked to the box quietly. He moved around the desk though. "It's worth a shot to look through. Even some mention in a journal could help. I mean... finding out who it is would be the first step forward." He said, looking into the box. He didn't reach in right off though. He didn't want to invade his things.

Judas tried to be stubborn. Tried to be tough against the tears that he couldn't help seeing. The man looked away, arms crossed and shaking his head. "You just... don't get nasty with me when I'm trying to help." He said after a bit, giving an exasperated sigh and uncrossing his arms with a shake of his head. He came over, setting his hand on his shoulder and watching closely. "Now don't cry on me Bash. I can't do crying." He said quickly, though didn't go as far as wiping tears off. He wasn't that close yet.

"Well. Maybe she's mentioned him. If he made her that mad, then it's likely." Judas nodded some at that, grabbing one of the books to start looking through it at the invitation to look. "If I can interpret unofficial records and personal writing... or whatever this is." He commented, looking at the first page with an odd look. The symbols on the front of them were confusing enough. He looked over a couple of the other books, leaning on the desk and basically ignoring his invitation to leave. "This might have personal writing in it." He reached and picked up the journal.

"Okay. Okay. I believe you. You won't do it again." Judas said, gently patting his hand before letting go and moving away again. "Normally I would have walked out. There's something about your tears." He commented. That was true. Anyone else and he knew he would just walk out. Somehow Bash had gotten in and he wasn't sure how. Other than maybe drunk and kissing, which no matter how much he denied it, he did actually remembered doing. That had to be it.

"That... sounds cute." Judas nodded a bit, a slight bit of jealousy hinted in his voice. He didn't have those kinds of memories. Even at a very young age he was raised military style. Yes sir. No sir. Stand at attention. There wasn't cuddling. He didn't have the adorable memories that could make him smile like that. "So if anything was important, it would be in here. Good. And it's not... Odd phrases." He commented. He stopped reading thiugh, looking up to listen to Bash read from it.

When he finished Judas sighed a bit, some confusion across his face. He didn't understand art, ppetry, prayers. He didn't get what it meant, but the gentle smile on the boy's face made Judas smile some as well. He didn't have to get it, Bash got the memory with it. He watched a moment longer, nodding a bit. "Don't lose that. Those memories are worth a lot. It's good you found it." He said, with a bit of a sad smile before he looked back to the journal. "Some don't have that much." He whispered.

He was quiet after that, reading a few pages. A bit of quick skimming for the first time through, but he stopped, a bit of a chuckle coming out as he read. "Oh Bash. I didn't know you were a clumsy child." He grinned.

Judas looked up quietly, watching Bash and giving a small nod. "I think it would have been mine." He admitted quietly. "So you and your mother were close then?" He asked while absently looking at the page he was on, fiddling with the corner of the page he was looking at. He closed his eyes for a moment with a sigh. "Well there are understandable things in here at least. I can actually read it and not feel like a complete idiot being so lost." He commented, attempting to laugh at that and keep it light hearted. But it was hard to do when he was thinking about how much more someone else had. Not that he was a very selfish person to think he needed the same as everyone. He had just never thought before of how little he truly had gotten in his life.

"Good. Don't lose them." He said with a nod and turned the page that he was looking at to read a bit more. He froze though when he asked, and even the gentle touch made him stop. He looked down at that. "I uh... No. No I don't." He admitted after a minute of considering his answer. He didn't have anything. He couldn't even remember his parents smiling. He couldn't remember a single positive thing they'd said to him. He only even got a "good job" when he got the most recent promotion. And that had been short lived. Heck, President Snow had praised him more than his own father had. He looked up again and shook his head. "Bash I wasn't that lucky. My family they... didn't do that fun stuff. Or sweet stuff. Didn't even get hugs. I mean... you don't know what I would have given for a story time like other kids got. Or just... normal things." He didn't move away, just took a deep breath. "My father was a Peacekeeper. He retired from the force but he never emotionally retired. I was his little soldier." He admitted but looked back to the book and stopped himself quickly, trying not to show Sebastien the sad almost tear filled look that he had. He didn't want the young man to see that.

"I don't know about children. I know your mother was amused though." He said with a sad little laugh. He hoped that he could avoid crying but it was already starting. The look on his face said he was near crying. "There are a ton of little stories in here... I should keep this. I need some of this stuff." He said, looking to him. It wasn't really working though as the smile didn't really come back.

Judas lidtened, quiet as he did. He hated to say he was jealous of Sébastien but he was. He gave a small nod. "Sounds like a strong and determined person." He said. He might have appreciated her somewhat. He looked to the journal quietly. "She sure sounds like a tough lady anyways." He added and looked down. The last thing he wanted was attention on him. Talking about Bash seemed like a good choice. The boy loved to be the center of conversation normally. Maybe keeping his attention on the boy's life would help him avoid his own tears.

It didn't. Especially when Sébastien chose not to play along. He looked over, a sad teary look to his eyes at the thought. "I... it was fine. I didn't need a ton of hugs." He said quietly, although he actually had only been hugged once or twice in his life. With a shrug the man looked down. "Mine... I don't even think he likes me now. Definitely not proud." He said. And as a young boy that was all he had wanted. To make the man proud. But he couldn't. Nothing he did was enough. "We never did hugs. I still don't." He admitted. He was actually a bit worried about trying to be a fatherly figure for Bash's child in the future. If Bash thought the way he had been raised was wrong, and he wouldn't argue that anymore, what kind of father could he be?

"I meant I need to keep it as stories to use against you." Judas teased through a sniffle. But he looked up quickly at the touch, shaking his head away a bit. Touch still made him uncomfortable. Weird feeling. He stared at Bash without really leaving though. He looked up. "I don't hide myself Bash, I just don't attract loving attention like you do." He muttered. He would have continued to argue basically against his own good. He was planning to and had a list of excuses for why he didn't deserve anyone. And he had quite a few. Bash interrupted him in a way he couldn't expect. He froze at the gentle kiss, basically dropping the book he was holding back on the desk. And he was frozen, a mix of thoughts rushing through his mind. The fact that somebody cared felt oddly warm and comforting. Even the kiss did, despite just knowing in his head that it shouldn't. He didn't return it like he had when he was drunk, but he didn't throw the other man across the room either.

But Bash was in his personal space. He was right there, right close. He shook hisbhead, grabbing Sébastien's arms and holding him back from a second time, staring him in the eyes. Part of him wanted to cuddle the sick boy and just cry together. Just give up work for the day and be together. But they had things to do... To look into. He was so confused. So torn and lost. "Sebastien I'm not lovable. I'm a grumpy old ass of a peacekeeper. Don't worry about me." He told him, staring.

"Nobody deserves to die in a fire like that. Well... not many people do." Judas said quietly and looked to Bash. But despite his attempt Bash moved on from the subject. He cringed at the mention of the one night, looking away again. "Bash, I... I don't know. I guess it was nice to not be alone. I don't know what was real of what I felt... I mean I was drunk and you're... different." He looked over to him. He shook his head at that though. "I'm not my father. I don't want to be my father." He said. He didn't. He was a military man yes but he wasn't his father. Especially now that he was going to get to raise Bash's child. "I wont do that to your son. But I am a bit late to start being huggy and lovey." He added. Not that his ego would let him turn cuddly.

"You know I'm not a fan of being called Juju." Judas commented, although not his normal unpleasant and upset way. "Top dog? I wouldn't say I'm better than Snow. Not at all. But I guess he did make me his top general. Guess I can be a little proud of that." He admitted with a slight nod. "But what does it matter. People can be proud of themselves and it means nothing. Pride is just a selfish way to tell yourself you're perfect." He muttered and looked to the ground at that. Too much confidence got you killed. That's what he'd been taught anyways.

"I guess I can remember." Judas sadly nodded at that. That would be nicer than taking the journal from him to hold over him. The Peacekeeper only tightened his grip on Bash's arms when he tried to move away. "It's easier just to believe I'm an unlovable person. Easier than trying and failing." He said and held on to Sébastien still though. He didn't want to be alone either, he really didn't, and it seemed that Bash's tears were contagious. "I... I worry about you. I do... I wouldn't be here if I didn't." He said truthfully, watching the young man carefully before he just came closer, pulling Bash into a hug. It was awkward. It was weird, but he needed something and he was sure Bash did too.